Can you tell which is which?

To be fair, Tennyson (on the right) is probably about 2 or 3 months older than Indigo was when her picture was taken. I love to compare their differences and similarities. I also think this photo is a very good representation of their personalities so far; Indy's expression is closed and skeptical, with a just a hint of scowl, while Tenny's expression is more open and good-natured, ready to break out into a gummy grin at any moment. Overall Indigo was a more "difficult" baby than Tenny, though I say that, truthfully, without even a sigh - we'd all prefer the "easy" baby, just as we'd all prefer no weeds in our garden and for that ring of dried milk on the bottom shelf of the fridge to just disappear on its own, but a baby is a baby is a wonderful baby. Sure there were moments where I buried my face in a pillow, but sometimes when every single parenting meme bemoans the 3 am wakeup and involves a glass of wine at noon, I find myself thinking but wait, I like being a parent. I understand that it's parents' way of connecting with each other through commiseration, and a little commiserating can go a long way in lifting our spirits when we're feeling a little discouraged. I also understand how it is funny. Believe me, I laugh at the memes, statuses and stories and even add my own, but I worry about contributing to our culture's stigma against having children. Perhaps people are just trying to shed light on the "reality" of parenting, but I don't really think parenting is in danger of being romanticized; almost everyone I know sees children as a burden and parenthood as an imposition on your life, to be avoided at all costs. Much to my sadness, it's a sentiment that seems as prevalent in the church as in the culture at large. The reason for the stigma is multi-faceted: we emphasize and exalt the individual and their personal goals, and we live in a convenience-culture where we want everything just how we want it with as little work as possible. Let's be honest, we've gone a little soft. Most of us (myself included) haven't had to work until sundown and then get up before the sun to go out and milk the cow. We've spent the last 100 or more years trying to make things as easy as possible, but we're no happier for it. Perhaps half the pleasure was in the hard work, the process? Perhaps most things worth doing have their fair share of difficulty. Parenting certainly does, and it's a unique and great responsibility (a whole human life!), but it's also rewarding, and dare I say it, downright fun. It is a worthwhile pursuit (understatement), it's better than freedom (whatever that means), and very full of joy, and I accept the hard work that can be a part of it as I accept that it is a part of all of life. I love my "easy" baby, and I love my "difficult" baby, and I'll love all the (God-willing) future babies, whatever their disposition, for a baby is a baby is a wonderful baby!

These photos are from last week, playtime with Indy (can you tell she dressed herself? Two headbands are better than one!) The night before, I had had one of those "in a funk" moments in the car while driving home. Indy was probably being a punk, Tenny was screaming his head off in his car seat, and I hadn't yet adjusted to the lack of waning daylight in the evenings. As I've gotten older, I've gained the mental wherewithal to step outside my own head enough to tell myself "you will feel completely different after you go to bed and the sun comes out tomorrow morning," and I instantly felt better. Don't make too much of nothing; there isn't always something to analyze. Sometimes you just feel weird or overwhelmed but it goes away.

The next day, with the previous evening's thoughts still in my head, and feeling much better in the light of day (as I knew I would), in fact almost jovial, I acquiesced to Indy's requests to color. While I was snapping the pictures, capturing just a simple moment of playing with my daughter on an otherwise inconsequential day, I had some specific thoughts I knew I wanted to share, I think along the lines of how you should play with your kids sometimes because you want to and because it's fun, and not because of guilt, because it's good for them to play on their own sometimes too (all true), but since it took me a while to get around to editing them and starting this post (believe it or not Tenny and I are still at the tail end of recovering from that flu!), those thoughts have since sort of fluttered away. But as I was uploading these and looking them over, I was struck by a new thought, and something which I had shared with Alan recently: that it can be really easy to live with your eyes ever fixed towards the horizon, towards some time at which you will consider yourself to have "arrived." Arrived where I'm not totally sure. Sometimes it's just to the next big thing (a holiday, a vacation, a new house, a new baby), sometimes it's some time in the future which you envision in your head to be, somehow, where you are going, or the most important time in your life, or when the children are older or grown. I think I tend to envision sometime in the future when we own the farm, when all the (hopefully) many babies have been born and we're living in the "liveliest" and "thickest" part of family life. Young and busy and full. Or I spend a lot of time overly-fixated on discipline tactics, always with an eye towards the future and the wonderfully well-behaved and well-rounded children I hope my parenting will yield (ha! again, hopefully!) I fail to realize that life is all of these moments! Making breakfast, cleaning house, having friends over, coloring with Indy. If I fail to appreciate them I will miss the marrow. That doesn't mean "live in the moment!" and have no thought about consequences or the future, because the future will be your life and your children's lives too. Just don't miss out on the now. Discipline them, just don't forget to enjoy them too! There will be so many stages in our family, each one special, and right now I don't want to miss the goodness of God as it unfolds before me.